It’s not going so well today. Last night was a nightmare. Coco was up every two hours, no big deal since she’s teething hard and I know how tough it’s been for her. But we made the mistake of putting the girls in the same room together, somehow forgetting that Pea is the world’s lightest sleeper. So every time I went in to nurse Coco, Pea would pop up in her crib and narrate for me. Cute the first time, not so cute the third and fourth time, particularly since it meant Coco was not going to be able to fall back asleep, either. After listening to the two of them for a little while, I finally went back in their room and curled up with Coco on the extra bed, where we were lucky enough to fall asleep for an hour or so more. And then, at about 6 am, Pea decided we’d ALL had enough sleep, and so the day began.

You know that kind of tired that makes your eyes feel like there’s sand in them when you blink? That’s where I am right now. And it’s been such a long day. Right now, my husband is downstairs at the pool with Pea and I am enjoying the quiet time. I know he wants me to come down there, but I’m not going to go. I just can’t. I need a break already. I am thisclose to bursting into tears, and I know it’s the sleep deprivation, I remember it all to well from when Pea was an infant, but it is overwhelming, nonetheless. I literally feel like I’m about to shut down.

Adding to my exhaustion is The Terrible Twos. I am at my wit’s end. I even rushed out to Barnes & Noble this morning to purchase two books, about dealing with kids Pea’s age. Ugh. Sometimes I think there are just entirely too many parenting books out there. Needless to say, they are both going right back to the store tomorrow and I’m going to get my cash back and head straight to the nearest Starbuck’s where I’m going to use that money to fuel up on straight caffeine, because that will be more helpful than the advice I found in these books. It was all about schedules and duh, I know about schedules! We run on a very strict one in my home. I was looking for that little gem that was going to turn on the lightbulb for me as to how to deal with my 2-year old who has an almost too-strong sense of self. I am defeated. Defeated. And I know this is the lack of sleep talking. But honestly, I want to get in the car, drive up into the mountains and never return. It’s been that kind of a day. And I know I’ll wake up tomorrow, better rested, because we will have separated the girls tonight. And Pea will hug me and kiss me and say “I love you, mama,” and my heart will melt and I will be filled with overflowing love for her, but right now I can’t see past the tantrums and the not listening and the total disregard for my rules.

And sadly enough, I discovered today that I am, indeed, a stress eater. That is devastating because lately, I’ve been under an inordinate amount of it. I will eat any and everything in the house, whether or not I like it. And that is not good at all for the amazing weight loss results I’ve had in the last couple of months. I’ve been working so hard at losing the baby weight and I’m about to see it all fade away if I don’t figure out how to deal soon. Like in the immediate future. Like in the next two minutes or so, because there’s a vending machine down the hall and I can see a bunch of coins on the table next to me. I just started wearing my beloved pre-pregnancy Paige Premium Denim jeans, I look good in them and I don’t want to ever have to hang them in the back of my closet again.