I’ve noticed over the last few days that Pea has been overly interested in her hair. And by interested, I mean she’s been pulling it out, a strand here and a strand there. I assumed that since she was sick and was a snot machine that she was pulling out pieces that were “sticky and icky.” Because really, they’d bother me, too. But when I picked her up from preschool today, she was very bothered by a hair that was in her mouth. Her teacher helped her get it out and then as we were walking to the car, I noticed again that she was pulling some more hairs out and then tossing them aside. So strange. And when I mentioned it to her, she did it with a vengeance. Like she was so satisfied that I noticed and didn’t want her to do it that she now could not stop. So I stopped… talking about it. Hoped that if I showed disinterest, she’d stop. And she did. She stopped. But my heart? It was racing. And my head? It was spinning with concern.

I came home and googled “toddler who pulls out hair.” There’s a name for it and it seems to be fairly common. 1) It’s an act of comfort (As oddly discomforting as it might seem to me, a sane adult.); 2) It’s a habit used to exert control when a child feels she has little or none and 3) It commonly occurs when there is anxiety in the child’s life. Bingo. I think we hit the nail on the head with that last one.

Over the last few days, my husband and I have been doing some heavy cleaning of our home. Moving stuff into storage, making piles for Good Will. And I took her changing table, which was really just a changing table topper on top of her vintage dresser, and moved it up into her little sister’s room, to the cries of “I need that! Nooooo…” Yes, I think this may have caused my little girl some anxiety.

So from what I read, I’m supposed to keep her hair up and out of her face (check) and not mention her hair to her, meaning no more complimenting the most insanely gorgeous head of hair I’ve ever seen on a child (check) and try to keep anxiety to a minimum (kind of check on that one, because we have some big changes going on around here, so I’m going to have to really make a very conscious effort to keep her calm and feeling safe).

I don’t know, I’m just feeling terribly guilty today that I’ve caused my daughter to pick up a really bizarre habit to help her deal with stress that I’ve put her under. I just hate those days when I feel like I’m not as good at parenting as I thought I was. But I guess a little reminder once in a while that I need to really be gentle with Pea is not so bad, right? I just wish that the little reminder wasn’t long, wavy strands of blond hair floating around. Bummer.