Once upon a time, I lived in a home that was quiet. At night, my girls would go to sleep, willingly. Sure, Coco was waking up a few times a night to nurse, no big deal. And Pea? She was the champion of sleepers. 7 to 7 with not a single peep. And now?
Coco is up somewhere between 4 and 7 times a night. And Pea? What is up with little Sweet Pea? She’s fighting me tooth and nail to go to sleep. She comes up with a million reasons why I need to come back into her room after lights out. She needs her diaper changed. She wants to wear her monkey pajamas, not the Small Paul pajamas. She needs a sip of water, another story, her forehead rubbed, it’s too hot, it’s too cold. Eventually, after many return trips she will settle in. Until about midnight, at which time she is waking up, coming to her door and sticking her hand out underneath it, all the while yelling, “mommy! I’m here! I’m in my room! I need you…” So I go to her, tuck her in again and she’s quiet. Until about 4:30, which is when we have a repeat performance of the midnight waking. She will settle back in again after that, but not for long. By 10 minutes to 6, she’s calling for “Dora! And a smoothie! And strawberries! Right now!”
I feel so out of control. I’m coping. I will manage. But honestly? I feel like kind of a failure. We were on such a great schedule, everyone was doing their part at night, and I was feeling pretty good. But now, we’ve entered a dimension of constant chaos, all night long, and although I am not quite there yet, I am fairly certain that there is a meltdown with my name written all over it right around the corner.
I admit it. I’ve made excuses for not wanting to start the sleep training with Coco. She is my last baby, and there is a huge part of me that just wants to hang onto her “baby-ness” for as long as I can. Have I mentioned that she is now pulling herself up to her feet and cruising around the house? A major milestone, two actually. And yet when I see her wobbly little legs carrying her from sofa to table to ottoman, I want to cry. What’s the rush? But when I really, really dig down deep, I don’t believe that this feral need to go to her all night long is really about keeping her in this infant state for as long as I can. I hate to admit it, but I think it’s just laziness. With two girls, a husband who travels, a very needy Border Collie and some other stressors going on right now, I don’t think I can properly train Coco. I just don’t have it in me. There are too many things on our plate right now, and I’m just going to have to redo the training again in a month, and then in another month, and on and on. So why bother at all? And so now with Pea’s sleeplessness thrown into the mix, I’m feeling like my world is spinning out of control.
I usually have a plan. I love my lists, I read the books, I take notes and dog ear the pertinent pages and then… I go in for the kill. So this feeling of just not wanting to deal? I’m having a rough time with it. I do want to deal. I want my girls to get back on their sleep schedules. I just don’t want to have to teach them. Again. I’m going to see how long I can ride this wave of sleepless nights. I can’t keep cruising through the Starbuck’s drive-thru twice a day. I need to get a grip. Soon.
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I’ve been out of the loop for awhile… sorry, been here, just not able to comment. I’m sure you’ve got your share of literature on sleep, but try The Sleep Lady System… it works great!
I am going through the exact same thing right now with my 2 year old. I know a lot of friends who have had success with “crying it out”, however, he’s just starting to be able to express being scared. As a result, it is unbearable to think that I may be putting him through a traumatic experience. While this may be over the top and some might think I’m over-reacting, I’m the one who is suffering from lack of sleep, not the naysayers. So I will do what makes me comfortable. I applaud you for doing the same!
Please don’t feel guilty for waiting to sleep train. If you are frazzled about it and try to do it, chances are it will backfire anyway. Waiting is best if that’s what’s in your heart right now. Parenting is SO tough. And I can relate to the husband thing – my husband works nights so I am on my own when it comes to sleep training and bedtime routines etc. It is really hard and I experience MANY of the same things you mention here – feeling out of control, over it, exhausted, etc. This is totally normal. Most of all know you are NOT a failure. As parents we just do our best (and sometimes darn it our best is to just take a break from it all) and feel good about it. You are doing a great job; have two wonderful girls and are a great Mom.
O.K. Tell me Iam weird, I have a 17 yr. old, 12 yr. old and my baby is 9 but I still watch Super Nanny!! We all need help once in a while!! And her way of tackling the sleep war’s is to give little Pea one chance of “bothering you” and after that it’s NO TALKING to her, eye contact, NOTHING!!! Just keep putting her back to bed or rather tucking her in, whatever. and by the 2nd or 3rd night you will have accomplished what you’ve been waiting for, “sweet dream’s”!!! She will realize that this is no longer a game and Mommy isn’t going to put up with it anymore!! I know it sound’s SO HARSH and MEAN but it really does work!!!! And EVERYONE will be happier in the end!! Good luck!!
I really lucked out with my only child, he started sleeping through the night at 6 months and now at 2 years old he goes to bed at 8:30 and doesn’t wake up till 8:30 am. I always made his room a very comfy, dark place for him to sleep. This backfired though because he won’t sleep anywhere but his own bed! No slumber parties at Nana’s house
Good luck Melissa, I enjoy your blog.
That post resonated with me Melissa….
We didn’t “sleep train” our baby until she was almost two. Life happens…
I just tell myself when the chaos is erupting that in a matter of years the moments where I can rock my sweet little girl to sleep or give my son “pat pats” on his back as he drifts off will soon be gone. It helps when I am so tired etc. all I want to do is fall into bed and crash.
I hope things get better though!!!
Oh I just hear the tiredness in your post. And I totally relate to it. Can you tell Pea you aren’t going to answer her and she needs to sleep? As for Coco, I totally agree that waiting until you have more rest under your belt is a super idea. May tonight bring your household sleep and peace.
Also, could it be that GiGi visiting has kind of usurped everything?? Sometimes that can happen…
My girls usually wake up somewhere between 7 and 9:00 a.m. but before you make up your mind to hate me, let me just tell you that my twin THREE year olds don’t sleep through the night. And my 7 month old still sleeps in our bed between me and my husband and she wakes up about 4-5 times a night and she is refusing to nap. My 4 year old can’t seem to fall asleep unless someone is with her (nearly impossible) and nobody takes naps anymore. They are in bed at 8:00 every night and I think the reason they sleep so late is seriously because exhaustion sets in at some point during the night and they just pass out. Every morning I wake up with a minimum of 3 girls in my bed.
I feel just like you do. The baby is my last and I just want to hold on to her baby-ness for as long as possible too. But dang it, I need some sleep! I am a light sleeper and I wake up practically every time she moves. Thank you for admitting to laziness. I know that’s partly my excuse too… Laziness, combined with baby love and a healthy dose of fear (of sleep training) are what keep me so sleep deprived, that I’m just barely hanging on to my sanity everyday.
As for my older 3, they were all sleep trained at one time or another. I don’t know what happened. I’m calling it a phase. Yeah, that’s what it is right? I hope.
I wish I could offer some advice but I don’t have any. Hang in there and know you’re in good company.
Sleeping is such a precious commodity. I feel like you do, I recently heard that one of the best remedies for aging is sleeping. Ha! Clearly they weren’t talking to new Mommys. I calculated the other day, that I haven’t had a good night’s rest in approx. 2 years. LL still wakes up 2-3 times at night (even if she’s not teething) JF never a problem. Just go with the flow if you can, no need to set any expectations, it’s hard but I’m with ya in spirit. And thinkin about you during my 2 a.m. wake-up time.
There’s nothing worse than being sleep-deprived. You clearly are suffering, so don’t be too hard on yourself. If you’re not ready to leap into sleep training, then that’s ok. Just try to find a way so that you get enough rest so you can cope. Then, once you’ve found “coping you” again, you’ll be ready to take matters into your hands.
Till then, try to find a moment or two to have a nap. The laundry/dishes/floors/etc will all wait.
This all sounds too familiar!! I feel like every time you think you have it figured out they change everything. I guess thats what we get for thinking we are in control. My oldest has gone through phases just like Pea’s since we put her in a big girl bed, I miss the days of knowing she would sleep till 8 and if she didn’t she was still secure in her crib just talking and playing. I have used the Supernanny trick of no talking and just putting her back to bed and sometimes it works, we also have the if its not light out you can’t come into our room. This generally works except when we have visitors. Both my girls were up very early the entire time my sister was in town, I don’t know what it is but they just know things are different. I’m sure it will get better soon – and before you know it CoCo will be a champion sleeper also.
first of all, sleep whenever they are sleeping. if you can catch a few winks during nap time… it will help. i used to put on their favorite channel and lay on the sofa. i would make a “nest” for them and they were so happy to cuddle with me and nibble cheerios while i closed my eyes for a half hour. my oldest would “wake mommy up” when the show was over. i don’t think i ever really fell asleep, just rested. i miss our little nest. they are 10 and 13 now. so, just slow down and let stuff wait until later. your sanity comes first.
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been going through a similar phase with my two lately. Just remember that this, too, shall pass. You’re a great mom and you’ll get through.