Coco woke up with a stomach bug today, the same one that her big sister has been suffering with all week. Let’s just say that her big day was peppered with lots of vomit and diarrhea. Not a lot of fun, although I am amazed at how her mellow and sunny disposition rarely changes, even when faced with an illness. Pea was also not at her best today, still recovering from her own bout with this nasty stomach bug. Both girls were just mellow and so it was not a particularly festive occasion, although I did not let that stop me from celebrating my little girl’s big day.

GiGi and Pea had made streamers yesterday out of construction paper and we hung them up this morning along the mantle of the fireplace in our great room, along with a couple of homemade signs and cards that they’d also made. There was Shepherd’s Pie and a Triple Tier Chocolate Fudge Cake that Pea decorated with gumdrops. There were lots of presents, including these little art books called “A Picnic with Monet” and “A Magical Day with Matisse” that her big sis picked out for her yesterday at a charming little book store in town. There was a new Radio Flyer tricycle and some stuffed animals and a beautiful little handmade doll that I found on Etsy. (Have you been to Etsy? No? You must go. Now. If you adore handmade things as much as I do, this place will not disappoint. It’s the perfect place for one-of-a-kind gifts.)

I just laid my girls down to sleep in their respective beds. I’m filled with emotion right now that has me feeling like a live and naked wire. I might add here that Coco is weaned from breast-feeding. One day shy of her first birthday. Yesterday, she had one nursing session that lasted all of about 20 seconds and today? Nothing. No attempts. No inching up to my chest. No rooting around. No fussing and no crying. I am so sad. So very, very sad. She is my last child, at least my last biological child, and I’m feeling just so… sad. She’s no longer a baby. She’s minutes away from walking, she’s already talking, she looks like a little girl. Next thing you know, she’s going to be leaving me to go to college in New York City, then she’ll go backpacking through Europe for a year before she decides to settle in Los Angeles and become an actress and we will never see her. Okay, maybe I don’t know how her future is actually going to go down, but do you get my point? First birthdays are hard. Really hard. The baby is no more and the future of a child who is going to grow at warp speed is laid out in front of you. And you know what? I miss my baby. I miss nursing and carrying her in a sling and bathing her in that tiny tub. I miss being the only one who can calm her nerves and comfort her at 3 in the morning. I just miss my baby.

Sigh.

I need to go find some tissues…