Comments on: getting over it

By: Jaina

Jaina — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 18:44:57 +0000

That cake sounds fabulous! If she doesn’t seem to be bothered by it, then I agree that you should definitely try to keep your hurt feelings under wraps around her. But I am very sorry to hear that people are acting that way. It’s just plain rude, and Coco deserves better than that. I hope you have a fabulous little party with the great people who WILL be there. It will be a special big deal if you make it that way for her. I hope she has a fantastic birthday!

By: Shannon (Cole Mine)

Shannon (Cole Mine) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 13:03:14 +0000

I too would be extremely disappointed by the things you mentioned. In fact, one of my best friends didn’t even so much as call or send an email about my son’s recent third birthday. I was really hurt. That being said, I totally agree that small celebrations are all small children really need/want and can be just as meaningful as a big celebration. Second child syndrome is rampant at our house and I constantly feel so guilty about it. I am trying to get better about my guilt…If it helps at all, we had a big party for our first son’s first birthday but are planning a family only party for our second’s first coming up this summer. We actually canceled my three year old’s big 3 year party because he had been sick and I was just too stressed to pull it off. I had to give myself permission to just do what was right for our family at that time…but still feel twinges of guilt. I so hear what you are saying.

By: Madison

Madison — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 02:32:18 +0000

Melissa,

It sounds like you had a really cozy birthday for Coco, perfect for your first celebration in such a picturesque and snowy setting…maybe that’s how the scrapbook could read?
But I really appreciate reading your post and related to it. My children have only one set of grandparents living and they suffer from what I’d like to call “reverse grandparent syndrome”. Ha! Just the other day my mom asked if we were packing up the twins and driving 10 hours to celebrate her birthday this weekend. Never mind that the twins will turn 2 in just a couple of weeks and no mention of that came out! As much as I love my parents, sometimes it just stings and hurts a little more on certain days to not have the same attention showered on the kids…instead of the grandparents refocusing it on themselves.
Hang in there, and thanks for sharing! It really helps!

By: debra90

debra90 — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 01:53:10 +0000

Hi Melissa, I feel for you I am 50 years old and raising my grandchildren 3 boys 11,10 and 6,and none of my sisters or brother can come over to our home for birthdays or holidays they always have a reason that is so important or they forgot so I started just having the 4 of us we have ballons and cake and ice cream I always bake a cake with the boys help, and we have a great time, this year I asked the boys if they wanted to invite aunt Jeanne over and much to my surprise they all said no mema just us its our special time remember? We want to bake the cake and have our party, I was so shocked I felt that they were missing something and they felt bad but just the opposite they LOVE the way we have our Birthdays!So have your small birthday and you will see that you will spend much more time with coco than if you had all that company and your not spending the whole day before shopping and cleaning the house. Rock on Melissa you sound like a beautiful Mother just love your girls. Your Friend in Florida Debbie

By: Robyn

Robyn — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 16:17:11 +0000

I know exactly how you feel. My parents live a mere 3 hours away and they don’t come over if it’s merely inconvenient for them (and they’re retired, so how they can be so busy is beyond me). I know how it feels to be disappointed and upset on your child’s behalf, but really, Coco doesn’t know the difference. She will be surrounded by people that love her on her special day.

If I lived near you, Bear and I would be there, with bells on, to celebrate! Just know that you can’t control what other people do, but you can control your reaction. If you are festive and excited for Coco’s birthday, she will be too. I firmly believe that you get what you give and if your family puts no effort into their relationship with Coco, they won’t get much back.

Happy Birthday, baby girl!

By: Everyday Yogini

Everyday Yogini — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 06:17:40 +0000

Coco is going to have such a wonderful birthday celebration! What could be better than a cake baked by big sis and Mom?

My family is a constant disappointment when it comes to being involved and showing up. What is terrific about your situation is that you are planning on staying where you are and you are near like-minded people. Pea and Coco are going to have lots of “chosen family” that they will grow up around and with.

Have a wonderful day!!

By: Shannon

Shannon — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 05:08:13 +0000

One of the things I noticed about moving away from our families (both fairly large) when my husband took a new job out West, was that our own family became so much tighter/ close knit in the process.

I definitely miss celebrating birthdays and holidays with my family, too, but a smaller celebration has it’s benefits. Or, maybe that’s how I choose to look at it?

Either way, thinking of you and knowing your daughters birthday will be special however you celebrate it . . .

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 02:52:01 +0000

Just wanted to send you hugs about the family not being present for Coco’s birthday. It really hit a nerve with me because my mom is not coming to visit and help when Baby #2 is born in June. She told me she might come for a day or 2 in July or August (not a helpful visit, to say the least). Her excuse was crappy, and I’m still mad. So I really felt for you – you’re in a new place and I can imagine you would have liked some emotional support with the happy occasion.

The cake sounds divine, by the way!