About a week ago, my husband and I took the girls over to a local gymnastics place to check out the activities for kids. When we walked in, we were standing behind a glass wall watching girls who could not have been more than 10 doing all kinds of flips and flops. Pea instantly kicked off her shoes and informed us that she was “going in.” I admire her pluck. But she did not go in. We did, however, sign her up for a summer camp program. She is very excited and only wants to know when camp starts. And then, she does lots of summersaults around the family room.
Coco started her fist class this morning. It was just the two of us, I spent a lot of time taking pictures to document it for her daddy who couldn’t be there with us. She was the youngest in the class and the only one who really isn’t walking, but her excitement at being around other kids really rubbed off on everyone. There was a lot of squealing and a lot of giggling.
Anyway, although the class is geared for 12 – 24 months, it seems a little advanced. There were very elaborate obstacle courses and foot races and a diving pit and balance beams. But we tried it all, the instructor flipped her around a bit and a genuinely good time was had by all. We are so looking forward to next week’s class.
When we got home, Pea was in good spirits. She’d been playing with her ballerina magnetic dress-up dolls with her new sitter, who has been to the house a handful of times in the last month. She’s a sweet girl, loves to play with Pea and her toys. They’re always having tea parties or building railroads or playing hide ‘n seek. I hear them laughing and chatting and Pea gets really excited when it’s time for her sitter to come over. And this afternoon, they even made chocolate-covered pretzels to have at their high tea.
And I really encourage sitters to make themselves at home in our house. I want them to feel comfortable helping themselves to drinks or snacks. And I always want them to feel comfortable talking to my husband and myself about issues or concerns that they might have. And I’m glad that this sitter has followed our lead. She told me after her first afternoon with us that it was the most comfortable she’d ever felt in someone else’s home. And I love that. I take pride in that.
Back to the story… the end of Coco’s class coincided with our normal lunchtime, and since it was late, I brought back lunch for all of us. This is where I started to get a strange feeling. You know, the one you get in the pit of your stomach when something just feels a little “off?” The sitter, after eating her lunch, polished off most of Pea’s dessert before Pea even had a chance to try it. Okay, no big deal, right? Pea didn’t make a stink, and so who cares? Right? But then there was the sitter’s reading of the newspaper on the couch while I was desperately trying to simultaneously get Coco down for her nap and get Pea to take care of her business on her potty. Uh, a little help, please? And then, as I was cleaning up in the kitchen, I swear I heard her say to my sweet little Pea, “go over there… no, over there… Your breath is humid and I don’t want you breathing on me.”
What?
Have I made her feel a little bit too comfortable in my home?
Am I nuts for being so weirded out by this very odd statement to a not-even-three year old? Should I let it go? It just seemed such a bizarre thing to say to a little kid. In front of her mother.
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I work from home and have a college student come in part-time to watch my son while I’m working. I’m all in favor of making the sitter feel comfortable here, especially since I think it can feel weird that I’m around most of the time. But I think it’s important to set boundaries, especially if you have a regular sitter. Sitters shouldn’t feel like they are at home. They are at work and should show the same respect anyone shows at their job. I think I found a good balance with our first nanny. She was comfortable here and was comfortable talking to me or my husband, but also very professional, always asked if there was something she could do if my son was asleep before she pulled out her homework.
Unfortuantely, our first nanny had to leave after 6 months and I’ve been interviewing and testing out a couple of different care givers, also college students. It’s not easy to find a good fit. But definitely trust your gut.
BTW, I’ve been using Care.com to find our new sitter. Since you just moved and may not be able to find someone by word of mouth, you might find it a good resource. I love that I can look for care givers without revealing my last name until I know if I want to interview someone and they do (minimal) background checks. And don’t forget to google your sitter! One respondent to my job posting had a public MySpace page which made it clear she wasn’t a candidate I would consider!
Sorry I haven’t been around… just waiting for this baby to be born! I totally agree, go with your gut, and everyone else… that’s just bizarre. I know she seems with Pea and they have a good time but there needs to be a connection with you too, minus, the second guessing of why she made a certain comment. Trust me I’ve gone through a couple nannies… and some I just knew were not right for us. It only takes a comment to put things in place.
Weirdo alert! Holy moly. Everyone has pretty much said it here. I am about to start my sitter search and I probably will be a neurotic b**** (as someone else said) but it’s okay because they’re your kids. Totally allowed to move right along if someone isn’t the right fit for the family.
Hi Melissa,
and though Pea might have fun with her sitter, her behaviour is unacceptable and I would hate to hear what would happen the more “comfortable” she gets in your home. Good luck and keep us posted! BTW — your girls are darling!
I read your website everyday, but have never felt so compelled to leave a comment before today. I agree with all the other ladies 100% about trusting your gut. Something is not right (which you know or else you wouldn’t have posted!)
??????????????? all very bizarre behavior…she’s at your house getting paid to help not read the newspaper! W E I R D! i’d move onto finding a new sitter…
XOXO
It’s so important to have a sitter you like, trust and admire! I try my best to lay out my expectations with the sitter ahead of time in a kind but clear manner. But, I also have a rule of thumb in my house in regards to sitters: if I don’t want my children to mimic a behavior/ attitude I witness and don’t care for, I won’t ask them back.
The sitter thing freaks ME out just hearing about it. Follow your gut, Melissa. Something is amiss…
Gymnastics sounds fabulous!! I wish they had something like that here… or, maybe they do and I haven’t unearthed it yet!
Oh, that’s weird! I would go with your gut! Personally, I think we’re born with a fine-tuned gift for instinct. Remember ignoring a gut feeling in the past, only for it to come back to bite? As Mommys, our antenna are even more highly attuned, I believe.
There’s a book called, The Gift of Fear By Gavin De Becker that’s on my to-share-with-my-daughter-in-the-future list, that talks about how we women are accustomed to being nice and smoothing things over even when we get that funny “feeling.” Awesome book. You’d want your daughter to always honor “that “feelings, so why wouldn’t you the same? Good luck with this, I’ll be thinking about you.
Melissa,
Gosh, the sitter hit a hot button with me! I recently had a mother’s helper/sitter…sweet “girl” and college grad. About 2 weeks into it, I kept having funny feelings but I just couldn’t put my finger on any one thing. So I continued to ignore that buzzing inside my head. Fast forward ahead a couple of more months and I started popping in at all different times. The lights were turned off, she was on the cell phone, and the twins toys were all turned to off. When she interviewed with me she had parents that owned child centers, loved kids and singing and dancing and being creative …. you get the picture. And she, too, became increasingly comfortable and left food on the floor, laptop on my formal dining table with spilled soda… I finally came up with a grand excuse why I no longer needed the help…saying grandmama really wanted the time and she let it drop to a friend of mine that I was a neurotic B***. Sorry for the rambling, but mother to mother, I just wanted to share that if there is ever any inkling or cause for worry, my advice is that you can never be too careful. And, the “breath” comment alone is enough to consider maybe she’s not the role model to help build Pea’s self esteem.
I’m rarely a poster of comments for anything but I had to chime in. Weird. So weird. Now she may just have some misplaced boundaries and be a LOT too comfortable, but there’s this part of me that says this could be the beginning of an even stranger story and not the end. I’d look for someone else. Trust that strange feeling you had – it’s called intuition.
Congrats on the gymnastics class. I started Bean in hers about a month ago and she loves it. Every time I tell her it is time to go to class she gets so excited. She loves tumbling and balancing and especially the foam pit. They give them little stamps on their hands afterward. I love being able to go with her and help her. It is amazing how much she has improved already.
Now as the the sitter. Wow! I have been watching kids since I was 12, so it has been 17 years worth of watching kids. No, her behavior isn’t normal. I wouldn’t want her to watch my daughter. Kids come first no matter what. She may be a lot of fun right now, but as she gets even more comfortable she may be less cautious. I would be concerned and probably start looking. I would clean everything & do dishes for my families. Pick up toys & make the house neater. Coming home to a messy house wasn’t on my list of things for parents to see. She is there to watch the girls & help them out (hence the reason you are paying her). You shouldn’t have her lounging on the job instead of helping. Like I said, I would look on for another sitter, but I know you have to do what is best for your girls.
How exciting about the gymnastics! As for the sitter thing…how bizarre. I personally wouldn’t keep her around. If she does/says stuff like that with you there, what happens when you aren’t there? And can I just express extreme confusion by the humid breath comment. I mean really, how bizarre?
Totally bizarre…I don’t even know what to think of that one. Good luck!
That’s bizarre behavior. Both the comment and the dessert incident would be red flags for me. I wouldn’t want that woman watching my kids. Even if she is sweet, she’s showing with these actions that she doesn’t have much respect for Pea. On top of that, a new sitter is usually on their best behavior when a parent is around so my imagination is coming up with all sorts of scenarios of what might be going on while you’re out of the house. Trust your gut on this one