My husband and I have been struggling here and there with how to discipline Pea. She’s one month shy of three. She’s intelligent, clever, beautiful, funny, loving and all of those wonderful things we want our children to be. Are you sensing an oncoming “but?” I hate to use that word, it’s as if it negates all of the good. So, I won’t. I will say this: she is three going on forty. No kidding. Her vocabulary is so far advanced that quite often I find myself completely without my own words to respond to her. She is cunning and a keen observer and she can literally run circles around me. I stand there, jaw on the ground, trying to craft a weighty response to whatever has just gone down, and by the time I figure it out, she’s a million miles away. The moment is gone. Poof. Just like that. Until the next time.

I want for my girls what I’m sure you all want for your kids. To teach them self-respect and self-love. Patience and kindness. To value education, in all of it’s forms. To have an adventurous spirit. To persevere through the hard times and to cherish the good times. To love and to be loved. To have a healthy question of authority but also to be respectful. Dignified. To have good physical health as well as good mental health. To know right from wrong. To speak up when they witness an injustice. To be open-minded and open-hearted. To be accepting of others, whomever they may be. Wherever they may be from. No matter what religion, race or sexual orientation. I want them to be happy. I want them to find their place in the world, their calling. Their passion.

But sometimes? Especially with Pea, right now? I just want her to listen. I want to be able to successfully communicate with her when something isn’t working. I want her to mind me. Follow the rules. And at her age? She’s testing everyone.

So… as I am prone to do, I googled a question about parenting. And as is generally the case, the first response came from the Berkeley Parents Network. Has this happened to anyone else? You type in some innocuous words in the search box on Google, and… there they are? Always? The Berkeley Parents Network? Well, it happens to me all of the time. It’s like they are the Great and All-Knowing Wizard of Oz. And although I am poking fun at them here, honestly? More often then not I’ve found the answer to what I am looking for with them. And the group is just what you’d think it is, they are a group of volunteer parents in and around the Berkeley, California area who write up little responses to all things parenting-related. And sometimes, not parenting-related. And one time? There was a recommendation for a parenting book called “Love and Logic.” And although I thought I was finished with parenting books when Pea turned one, that I could handle it from that point on by myself, I was wrong. She has since entered a phase in her life where the time-out doesn’t seem to be working and honestly, I am tired and so have begun to take the “easy” way out. That’s right. I am a mother who, on occasion, will bribe her child. But that just doesn’t seem like it’s going to be beneficial for either of us, in the long run. I need to get a handle on this. Now. After doing a little digging around, I decided to order the book. Why not? What did I have to lose, right? As much as I adore “Supernanny,” the time-outs were just not working in our home. We did everything we were supposed to do. Firm consistency, no engaging. And… nothing.

The book arrived. I briefly glanced at it and then set it aside amongst the other books in the towering pile on my nightstand. And then one night, I happened upon a class being taught at the local high school on… you guessed it… Love & Logic. It’s four weeks long, once a week in the evening for an hour and fifteen minutes. So I signed my husband and myself up. Thankfully, we are equal partners (and parents) in this house, and so when something isn’t working for one of us, we are able to come together and figure out our plan of attack as a couple. So I knew it would be a non-issue, that my incredible husband would happily join me. So off we went. All the while, with a quietly spoken plea to the universe that this class not be a dud.

It wasn’t. I think we’re onto something here.

I pulled the book back out, threw it on my husband’s pillow so that he could peruse it. And tonight, I plan on diving in myself. And I’m not coming up for air until I finish it. Because since last night, I’ve met a whole slew of couples with children who, like us, are not afraid to admit that they don’t know what they’re doing with their little kids. Nice couples. They look like us. They speak like us. They love their kids like we do. And they are in this class with us, wanting so much to learn what we are aching to learn: how do we parent our children successfully so that our kids feel that they have a semblance of control over their own lives? So that they feel they are being heard and they feel valued and respected? And how do we as parents also feel the same? In control? Heard? Valued? Respected? I don’t have the answers. Yet. And I don’t expect perfection. Ever. But I am hopeful that I’m going to learn how to navigate through Pea’s life with her. And Coco, too, as she grows out of babyhood and into her own little person. I want to be their teacher. Their guide. Their safe place to land. Their soft shoulder to cry on. Their cheerleader. Their sounding board. Their confidante. Their mother.