I’m always looking for cards that are whimsical without stepping too far into the overly-childish. My newest favorites are these flat cards which are completely customizable, from Sarah + Abraham, an adorable Etsy shop. I ordered an individual set for each of my girls, with a single silhouette and their respective name, although I also think it would have been charming to order them just as they are shown in the link, with both girls names and a silhouette of two little girls on it. Particularly because my girls are so close in age and do everything together.

And then, of course, I had to do the customizable return address labels because, well, why not?

There are also fantastic gift options in the shop, like these bookplates. An incredible teacher gift, I think…

Of course, it took me an entire week to get around to looking them up on Google, and when I did…

No. No no no no no. A big fat no.

$16 a pair.

I don’t even pay that much money for my own panties. And I like nice bottoms!

Next…

The idea is a good one. And yes, I’ve sent her to camp in a dress with shorts underneath, but she was miserable, and her complaints of feeling “bulky” sent me back to my own childhood. It was also spent in dresses with shorts underneath. Hanging upside-down from the monkey-bars. And feeling nothing short of… well… bulky. And so I’m not going to put her through that. Again.

And bicycle shorts? Eh. They conjure up unpleasant thoughts of women stuffed into them – like sausages in too-small casings – women who should not be wearing them – do you know what I mean? And do I sound mean? Oh, well. Sorry. But I speak the truth. Not pretty. Doesn’t look comfortable. Besides, do they even make them for a 4-year old? I don’t even want to know…

And so, it’s back to the drawing board…

I believed there existed a code of ethics at private school. When it’s birthday party time, you invite all of the kids in the class. Or you invite none of the kids in the class. Why? Because in a class as small as hers, to exclude any child is cruel. Why would you ever choose to alienate one child from another?

All of the parties that we’ve been to this year have included all of the children. But a recent party? Selective. And to the mother who mistakenly mentioned the party to me? Don’t feel awkward. The way that you handled it was very classy.

Pea was not invited. My husband is certain that other children were left off of the guest list. But I don’t know that. Nothing surprises me these days.

I felt sad for my daughter, but I‘m the one who received the lesson in exclusivity. And so, to the mother who didn’t invite my child and then sent me a rather lengthy justification of why you didn’t invite my daughter? You should have left it alone. The last thing I wanted to see was your name attached to an email in my inbox. Some things are better left unsaid.

How will I handle this? Since I opted out of responding to her email and instead hit ‘delete?’ I will pleasantly smile at her as we bump into one another while dropping our children off at school next week. I will say good morning with a sincere smile. Because I am a kind person. With good manners. But inside? I will be wishing that I could say to her, in my snootiest voice, “how was your kid’s birthday party?” And then think of how satisfying it would be to hand her a gift-wrapped present for her child. And you know what that gift would be? A copy of Peggy Post’s 17th edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette. Because our children learn from us.

Good manners are not just about saying “please” and “thank you.” Good manners are also about how you make people feel.

Some thoughts on the topic…

For the reader, particularly of current-day mysteries, all five books in Patricia Highsmith’s “Ripley” series. Campiest read ever. A kind of retro mystery, surrounding a man of much manipulation. Yes, it’s the same series that spawned Matt Damon in the role of Ripley, but don’t let that throw you off. The Ripley of the books is a debonair cad who unapologetically enjoys the finer things in life. And will do anything to get them.

For the writer, Moleskine notebooks. I can never have enough of these. Never, ever, ever. Small ones in my bag, large ones on my desk at home. I use them for everything, and have never crossed paths with someone who either didn’t know what they are, or wasn’t interested in owning one. These are the penultimate books of the likes of Hemingway (Hemingway!) and Picasso (Picasso!).

For the proper lady with the to-die-for manners, I’d always go with monogrammed correspondence cards from iomoi. Preppy. Trendy. Classic Or just plain cool. They’re all here.

For the foodie in your life, just about anything from Zingerman’s is going to delight. I’ve sent many gifts from this Michigan “deli,” and get immediate calls asking where on earth did I find these amazing breads? Because they are the best ever.

For the chef, these adorable Matryoshka measuring cups are perfect. So much fun, perched on the countertop. And functional, as well. Add a shot of color to someone’s life, a bit of whimsy with these.

For someone into home design, or the lives of the young and fabulous, I highly recommend “Bright Young Things,” the American version (there is also an English version). It’s several years old, but still so pertinent in regards to home design (and fashion, as well). I still pull this book out of my own stack of design books to get inspiration from it’s pages. I even gave this book to my own mother a few years ago. She’s a designer who has a library of design books to rival no other. And she adores this book. Finds constant inspiration in it’s pages, as well.

For the beauty addict, a subscription to “New Beauty (my current obsession, and I promise it is not all about plastic surgery, not by a long-shot… an impressive list of ‘judges’ and beauty product recommendations that I’ve found to be quite helpful),” and this little gift pack by Nars, of their best-selling “Orgasm” shade of multiple stick (love these!) and coordinating gloss. This color is incredible for anyone. I’ve seen so many different skins wear the original blush, and it looks different, but natural on all. This has been a staple in my make-up bag, on and off, for years. And I always make my way back to it.

For those who have everything with kids who have everything: a membership to just about anywhere. A local museum. The zoo. The Discovery Center. It doesn’t really matter, as long as it’s a place that they can visit together. As a family.

More thoughts on the subject, as the holiday shopping days are slowly (and quickly) counting down.

Tomorrow? Gifts for kids.

Pea has good manners. Well, pretty good manners. For a three-year old. My husband and I have worked hard at that. Not by any offensive means, either, rather from example. We always say “please” and “thank you” and “may I…” We say it to each other, but we also say it to the girls. A lot. And we’ve gotten to the point where Pea will say “may I be excused?” when she’s had enough of a meal at the dining room table. And if you thank her for something, she’ll say, “I welcome you.”

There are so many books out there, geared towards kids, about manners. It’s hard to know where to begin. And then, I realized we don’t actually have to start at the very beginning, because we have a pretty solid foundation of manners. So I skipped over the basics and went right for, “Manners Can Be Fun.” It was written by Munro Leaf, who also authored “The Story of Ferdinand,” one of my all-time favorite children’s books.

There are several in this series, including one on speaking politely and another on how to behave. They are cute books, I adore the simple line illustrations. The material is timeless. These books just have a really old-fashioned feel. Of a time that’s long gone by…

We read it periodically. Pea is far more into “Fancy Nancy” right now then she is into books about good manners. And that’s fine. But a couple of days ago, Coco came into the kitchen, opened the cabinet under the sink where we keep the trash bin, and tossed her empty juice box in there. I replied, “thank you, Coco.” And she said, “thank you” right back.

Not bad for an 18-month old…

So I finally stumbled upon a school that has much the same philosophy as her former school and yesterday we went in and met with the Head of Admissions and the Headmaster and it was wonderful. She visited her classroom and spoke to all of the children and was friendly and outgoing and basically made herself right at home. This can be proven by the painting she brought home with her. When I say this child has no fear of new situations, I mean it.

And she was her usual charming self, saying “yes, ma’am” and “yes, sir” and “thank you” and all of the other lovely and polite terms that we’ve taught her. I was impressed but more importantly, the teacher and the administrators were impressed. My cheeks still hurt from all of the beaming I was doing. It’s just the coolest thing when you actually see all of your hard work pay off, you know?

I have to take her back to the school on Saturday for a little session where they watch the kids interact in a classroom setting and I’m looking forward to it. For Pea, because it’s a chance to connect with other children, something I know she’s missed since we left Fort Worth a couple of weeks ago. But I’m also excited for myself, because it’s a chance for me to connect with other parents in our new hometown.

But like I mentioned, it’s been a long road. It’s just not something that seems to be coming naturally to her. We’d gotten into the habit of saying to her when she says “yeah” to “don’t say yeah.” That’s supposed to be her prompt to correct herself and say “yes, ma’am” or “yes sir.” But honestly? I’m getting tired of saying “don’t say yeah.” So I’ve backed off a bit. Which I’m sure my husband won’t really want to hear. This is really his dream.

But today, he returned from LA and when we picked him up at the airport, he asked Pea if she’d missed him. And she said “yeah, Daddy. I missed you.” And he said… you guessed it… “don’t say “yeah.” And do you know what she said? “Oh. Yes, ma’am.”

At least she got half of it right…

And yet he found her again. First, he slapped her and then he pushed her off the side of the slide. This time, as I was desperately looking around for his parent, his mother came up. She was young, looked extremely tired and didn’t say a word. Not a single word. Do I have to mention how this caused me to just seethe inside with hatred for this woman whom I don’t know? This woman I’ve never met?

I was enraged that she wouldn’t say anything to her son. She plopped him down in another area and went back to whatever it was she was doing, which looked to me like wishing she was anywhere but there.

I crouched down to Pea’s level and explained to her that sometimes kids don’t play nice, it’s not her fault, and that the best thing for her to do is to take the high ground and walk away. Even if it means not playing with a toy that was rightfully in her possession. Or having to walk away from her beloved slide. And it’s so unfair that she has to do that, but what else can I do? How else can I handle a situation that desperately calls for the parent of the other child to become involved, but for whatever reason, they don’t? And I’m not kidding myself here, believe me, I have seen Pea act as the offender in a few situations, but I can honestly say that when I am with her and we are around other children, I am on her like butter on bread. I divert bad situations with the skill of a Navy Seal. I discipline her quietly in a corner if I’m not quick enough. I don’t embarrass her but I certainly hold her accountable. Why don’t other parents do the same? I just see this time and again and it’s getting harder and harder to know how to adequately handle the situation. The feral mama cat in me wants so badly to say to that little stinker who bit my daughter on the back, “don’t you ever, ever touch my child again…” But I don’t and I won’t. Because I don’t want to offend. So instead? I sit and glare at this woman, this mother who in my mind, whether true or not, doesn’t give a crap about how her child is behaving until she grabs her kid and quickly leaves. Did she leave because of my disapproving stare? Probably not. She didn’t seem all that present to begin with. But really, what are the rules already for handling this situation? I know I’ve asked before, but please, someone, tell me what to do in this situation because I’m running out of ideas. And I’m really tired of making my child take the high road. That’s not fair and pretty soon she is going to catch on. And I know her, she won’t stand for it.

Needless to say, she is two and as soon as she caught sight of the little Merry-go-round, she’d forgotten all about the assault at the mall playground.

She sure is fun to hang out with…

Now, I still send thank you cards. For gifts, for dinners, for virtually everything. But in this day and age, I feel like I’m one of the only ones who still does this. Sure, some people have moved on to the electronic thank you – as in an email or a text message. Not all that personal, but still, better than nothing. One person in my life told me about a year ago to stop sending her thank you notes because she thought it was silly to have to write a thank you note to a family member. Mind you, this person is 62-years old! My mother-in-law sends a thank you email to my husband to tell me how much she appreciates something that I’ve done for her. My sister-in-law? My brother-in-law? They don’t send thank you notes at all. Not even on behalf of their children. And my mother? Lord, the one time I called her to thank her for something, she apparently let my exclusion of a handwritten thank you fester deep inside her for months until one day on the telephone, she had a meltdown. I can assure you, I will never again not send a handwritten thank you. I guess I didn’t realize just how powerful they are.

My girls, they both have their own personally engraved note cards as well. We ordered them immediately upon naming them, and although they might not be able to write yet, I write little notes on their behalf and usually let my older daughter scribble a little picture on the top of the card. Their stationery comes from Amy Adele, which is possibly the most adorable childish stationery I’ve ever seen. I spent days designing the perfect card for both girls, one that reflects who they each are. I’ll tell you, people always rave about how thrilled they are to receive a thank you from them. Sure, one of my girls is only 4-months old, but you can’t start too early with the good manners, right? I really believe in this day of Blackberries and email and text messaging that a handwritten note still conveys how much you are grateful for another being. That’s a lesson I’d like to pass along to my girls.

Dog is dog. He has impeccable manners. He makes me smile. Look how joyous life is for him.